10 Reasons I Feel Grateful This Thanksgiving Day

Often times I have a tendency to focus so much on the parts of my life that are not as ideal as I'd like, that I forget to take the time to simply be grateful for the things I have. So I've decided to jot down 10 reasons I have to be grateful this Thanksgiving Day.

1. I have a good job working with good people.  It's not perfect, but this alone is more than many people can say these days.
2. I have a roof over my head to shelter me from the cold, the heat, the rain, and winds.  I'm reminded of just how important this is each time I see a homeless person begging for change on the street corner. 
3. I was driving from Southern California up to Fresno to visit my family this past weekend, and passed at least three car accidents on the way - one where the car looked like it had flipped over.  That guy was definitely having a bad day.  While I hope the driver was ok, I was also grateful that wasn't me.
4. The beauty of God's creations: Autumn in Fresno can be beautiful with many of the trees changing colors, from green to yellow, orange, red, and even purple.  Sunsets on the beach are just as inspiring, if not more so.  And who can deny the majesty of outdoors in the Sierra's.  I love living in California.
5. I have friends and family who stand by me through thick and thin. If I need advice, I know who I can call.  If I need help, I know who I can turn to.  Their support has been constant, and I will always have reason to be grateful for them. 
6. Last January, my wife and I experienced one of the saddest experiences in our marriage - nearly 3 months into a pregnancy, we found out she had a miscarriage.  Today we are happily expecting again, and are now over 4 months into the pregnancy. Next week we find out if it's a boy or girl.
7. My kids are excited for the coming of a new baby brother or sister.  I'm grateful because I know this is not always the case.  I have a friend who once told me that when she was young and her baby brother was born, she tried to throw him in the garbage.
8. My wife has a phenomenal family who have treated me like one of their own from the very beginning.  I've heard horror stories about monster-in-laws in other families.  That couldn't be farther from the truth for me.  I could not ask for better in-laws.
9. My marriage is as strong as it's ever been.  I know I've got things to work on, and I know I frustrate my wife at times, but to her credit she has patiently and loyally stood by me from the very beginning.  I cannot imagine a more loving, supportive, and amazing wife than that special woman who has been by my side for over 7 years, and I look forward to 70 more (we may not live that long, but you get the idea).
10. My kids are happy and healthy.  Although they don't always get along, they haven't tried to kill each other yet, and that's a good thing.  These kids, along with my wife, are the reason for my greatest joys in life.

Here's wishing everyone a special Thanksgiving surrounded by those you care about.

A Day in the Life of my Family

I had to take a short business trip to Sacramento the other day and told my daughter that I'd be back late the next day.  To make sure she wouldn't forget me, as she lay in bed the night before she decided to draw a picture of our family.  And to make sure I wouldn't forget her, she had me take a picture of her on my phone.  What a sweetheart!

The next day, instead of coming home at 9 o'clock at night, I was able to catch an early flight and was home by 5:30.  But the family wasn't there!  When they came home, they didn't realize I was in the house, so when I jumped out to surprise them, my wife let out a scream like I've never heard before.  She thought I was an intruder.  It was hilarious!

Just another fun day in the Gastelum home :)

I Love a Good Line

So I was watching the news last night and one of the "commentators" was describing what he considered the futile efforts of Senator Santorum in the presidential campaign - but it's they way he said it that gave me a kick. Essentially he said the guy was like a chicken with its head cut off.  He's still running around like crazy, but he's the only one that doesn't realize he's already dead.
Don't get me wrong - this isn't a political post.  I just love a good line when I hear one.
So how about this - my daughter was talking back to me the other day and so I told her to watch her mouth.  What does she say in return?  "But dad, I can't see my mouth." For a second there, I felt like I had been one-upped by my four year old daughter.

The Tragedy of Untapped Genius

I'd like to tell you about a sad story - a tragedy really.  It might even sound familiar to some of you.  A friend of mine graduated with a bachelor's degree over a year ago, but since his graduation he has struggled to find a job that matches both his skills and interests.  It's not from a lack of trying.  But without existing experience, employers hardly give him the time of day. I can certainly empathize - I've been there before.  You find a job opening, you excitedly fill out the application, but as you look over the resume you've created, you realize that without post-graduate work experience, your resume looks bare.  But as an optimist, you submit it anyway, knowing in your heart of hearts that you're perfectly capable if someone will just give you a chance.  The problem is that employers don't like taking chances.  And if they can't see what you can do by looking at what you have done, they're more likely to take a pass than take a risk.  So instead of preparing for an interview, you're preparing to submit your next resume and hope lady luck increases your chances of getting in front of a recruiter.

Does that sound familiar to anyone else?  I can't say that I blame employers.  Their success is largely influenced by the workforce they employ.  But is it fair to students who are - dare I say it? - more than meets the eye?

I recently discovered a new tool that finally helps students show companies what they're all about and what they can really do.  It's called Student Genius, and it's designed specifically to help students showcase their skills and their personality.  You can post a video resume, a timeline of various experiences, upload an online portfolio of your work (e.g., presentations, graphics, videos, or anything else that will help to showcase your skills), and more.  So instead of students being forced to create a boring resume, they can customize their profile, show their personality, and showcase actual work instead of just writing about it.  As the saying goes, "a picture is worth a thousand words" - you can't fit a thousand words in a standard resume, but you can upload as many visuals as you like on Student Genius.

I'm not getting paid to write about this - I simply believe in the cause.  So join the movement against student unemployment - tell your friends and family, any students that you know, to go to beta.studentgenius.com and create a profile and show the world what they can do.  Watch this short video to get a glimpse of what this movement is all about.

Stand As A Lighthouse

"When everything is moving at once, nothing appears to be moving...but if someone stops, he shows up the others who are rushing on, by acting as a fixed point.  We, you and I - must be that fixed point."  - Bruce Hafen

I read this quote the other day and was instantly struck by how true to life it is.  We often think of change as a prerequisite for progress.  We clamor for change in better technology, higher standards of living, more efficient government, and so forth.  And so society moves, constantly changing and we call it progress.  We look back on history and exclaim how grateful we are to live today rather than in years past because of how far we have come.  But there are some things, I imagine, for which society may one day look back and say, "What we once called progress we can now plainly see was digression.  We were actually better off before."  And I suppose that in nothing would this be more true than as it relates to what we, as a society, consider our moral code.  For the harder we cling to the premise of tolerance without limits, the more slack becomes our grip on that which is our moral compass.  And on this front, as the world changes, it is up to you and I to stand as a fixed point, a lighthouse to those who are tossed about on the waves of the sea, supposing that all is well only to recognize long afterward how far they have moved from the safety of land...

Sugar Makes Everything Taste Better

When I was kid, we didn't always have a lot of extras in my family, but it didn't really bother me at the time. Somehow things always worked out okay, even if it took a miracle or two.  One of my favorite childhood memories actually took place when the power to our house was shut off.  We pulled out the flashlights and emergency candles, which is always fun as a kid - it's kind of like camping.  But the best part for me was when we gathered around our fireplace as a family and started roasting marshmallows and eating s'mores (mmmmmm...s'mores...).  Life was good as far as I was concerned.

As I look back, I cannot fathom what my parents went through to make sure we had enough, even if we didn't have everything.  As a father myself now, I can appreciate a little better their love and concern for me and my siblings, and the many prayers they spoke on our behalf.  I will always be grateful for their sacrifices, which were many.  It seemed we always had enough, even if not a lot.  Have any of you ever heard of 15-Bean Soup?  I thought my mom made it up, but apparently it's a real dish.  So maybe the real secret is not just having enough, but making the best of what you have.  It's a bit of a cliche to say that we made lemonade out of lemons, but if you can find some sugar to throw in the mix, almost anything tastes better.

I've Finally Arrived...Or Have I?

As I look forward to completing my MBA and starting my new job, I can't help but feel a sense of finally having arrived.  After nearly two years of what was both an overwhelming and tremendously rewarding experience, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, the finish line, so to speak - my objective will have been accomplished.  I made it, right?  I can finally relax and enjoy the fruits of my labors. 

But wait a minute - something about this moment feels familiar, as though I've been here before.  It seems as though I've been through a tunnel and crossed a finished line just like this in the past.  As I wonder why, I realize it's because I've had these same thoughts every time I accomplished some major goal in my life.  And each time it happens I think, "Whew, I'm finally done.  I made it."  Only to find that I'm not really done after all - there is another mountain to climb on the horizon.  It happened when I graduated from high school.  It happened when I completed my two-year ecclesiastical mission in Texas.  It happened when I moved out of my parents house and staked out on my own.  It happened when I got married and started a family.  It happened when I graduated from UC San Diego and started a professional job.  And now, as I close in on my final classes in the MBA program, I cannot help but think it's happening again.

But I'm not really done, am I?  No, I suppose not.  But that's okay, because if there's anything I've learned from this, it is that the benefit is not in having arrived, it's in having taken the journey to get there.  I'm not sure what's next on the horizon, but if it's anything like what I've done in the past, I'm sure the view from the top of that mountain will be just as majestic and well worth it.

The Ridiculous Things People Do

The other night I was checking on my two year old son before I went to sleep and was surprised to find him curled up in a ball in his bed- with nothing on, including his diaper.  We didn't put him to bed like that.  He had on his new Transformers pajamas (and a diaper) when we put him in his bed, but apparently he took everything off and eventually fell asleep.  Luckily he didn't pee in his bed.  My wife and I got such a kick out of this little display that we decided to take a picture so we can embarrass him when he grows up.  Of course, we put his diaper and pajamas back on before we went to bed.  But it makes me wonder what on earth was going through his head.  Maybe he was looking for more freedom, who knows.  Sometimes kids just do things like this.

As another example, today I came home to discover my son had drawn all over his own legs with pen.  Okay, not unusual for a little kid.  Then my wife had him lift up his shirt so he could show me how his older sister had written her name on his stomach (in very cute 4 year old handwriting).  I couldn't help but smile.  So kids do stuff like that.  It's normal.  I get it.  My daughter used to wear her skirt on her head just for fun.  My son growls at people.  Seeing things like this is part of the fun of being a parent.

But what about grown ups?  Why do we do some of the things we do?  I've seen grown women walking down the street wearing skirts in 30 degree weather.  I've seen guys walking around in clear need of a belt, but pretending that the way they wear their pants is a fashion trend.  I've seen people wear sunglasses inside (or at night, which is even worse), piece of junk cars with rims worth more than the car, people watching videos on their smartphones in a movie theater - and the list goes on.  I guess the point is that you have just as much a chance of catching an adult do something ridiculous as you do a two year old.  And just like children, a lot of these folks are unabashed about showing it off.  Go figure.

It Builds Character...

When I was growing up, my father owned and operated a gardening business - he took care of the landscaping for houses and apartment complexes throughout parts of central California.  Pruning, mowing, raking - all the yard work nobody wants to do, but which my dad genuinely enjoyed.  And every summer he would take his kids out to work with him.  Most kids clean up their room or help with their own yard and then receive an allowance.  Instead, we went to work for my dad and received a paycheck.  Sounds pretty nice, right?  That depends.  

As a kid, I enjoyed this work about as much having my wisdom teeth pulled (if you've never had the experience, it's not fun).  Central California is hot - the temperature rises above 100 degrees for up to a few weeks each summer, making yard work loads of fun.  And the work itself was physically demanding to the extreme.  Carrying trash can after trash can of leaves to the dumpster, walking behind lawn mowers for who knows what distance (wanted to shout "Hallelujah" the day we finally bought a riding lawn mower), carrying machinery in my hands for hours, etc., all the while trying not to get heat stroke.  We each brought a frozen gallon of water with us, which we drank to the last drop as it melted throughout the day.  My mom would make us a large breakfast every morning because, as my dad would say, "if you're going to work like a horse, you have to eat like a horse."  We started early to avoid the heat, and ended whenever we finished.  And at the end of most days I was so worn out that sometimes I just wanted to shower and go to sleep.

Like I said, I didn't care for it much at the time.  But as I look back on the experiences of my life, there are very few experiences that have shaped me the way this early work experience did.  It's obviously not because of the skills I learned, though it has indirectly helped me with every job I've had since.  It's the way it shaped me as a person.  It reminds me of the old sayings, "It builds character" or "One day you'll thank me."  It would have driven me crazy if my dad had told me that at the time.  But today I can look back and say that I am genuinely grateful for the experience - both for what it taught me and how it shaped me.  I didn't appreciate it then, but I do now. I suspect that if we look closely, there are experiences like that in all of our lives - ones that were challenging and difficult, ones that we wished we didn't have to go through at the time, but to which we can look back in gratitude for what those experiences have done for us.  Sometimes we just need to open our eyes to recognize them.

Comic by Bill Watterson

Burn Your Ships

Years ago I was stuck in a job that paid decently well, but in which I was miserable.  I hated going to work.  I jumped at any chance my employer gave me to work less hours.  I avoided voluntary overtime like the plague.  But I kept working because of the pay, and because I wasn't sure what else to do.  Though I was going to school at the same time, progress was slow and I wasn't doing well.  I felt like I was wasting my time.  Most frustrating of all, I knew I needed to change things but had yet to buck up and make the changes happen.


Then a life-changing event occurred: my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  To our dismay, the doctors estimated that he would have three years to live.  The events surrounding my father's illness are another story entirely, so I'll save that for another day.  But as it relates to this story, it had a tremendous impact on me in a number of ways, including providing me extra motivation in school.  Because my progress had been so slow up to that point, I still had a long way to graduation.  But after reviewing my status, I made it a private goal to graduate within three years so my father could see it happen.  I knew I would never make the goal if something didn't change.  So I quit my job.


It sounds like a small thing, but it was actually quite hard.  I had a high school diploma, and was performing a job that people with college degrees clamored for because of the pay.  I didn't have a lot of money saved, and wouldn't be able to rely on my parents for financial help given my father's condition.  And my family's situation was one more reason to keep the job - without my dad working, his business was struggling to stay afloat.  I wanted to be able to help financially if I could, and that wouldn't be possible if I quit my job.


There's a saying that drastic times call for drastic measures.  That's where I felt I was at.  I knew that if I wanted things to change, I would have to change the way I was doing things.  This decision point reminded me of the story of Cortez coming to the new world.  In order to motivate his men, when they arrived at the New World, he burned the ships that brought them there.  There would be no going back.  The only choice was to move forward.  By quitting my job, I forced myself to focus on school and do well, if for no other reason than to make sure that I didn't "burn my ships" for nothing.  


So if you're ever looking to make a big decision, but are hesitant to do so, create some extra self-motivation.  Burn your ships.

Re-Post (2/13): De Tocqueville - Observance of Divine Laws...

In observing the winds of change in American society, it is hard to overlook the absence of what used to be a cornerstone of our great nation.  Over 170 years ago Alexis de Tocqueville wrote the following in his historical treatise "Democracy in America":

"...in America, religion is the road to knowledge, and the observance of the divine laws leads man to civil freedom.

"I have said enough to put the character of Anglo-American civilization in its true light. It is the result (and this should be constantly present to the mind) of two distinct elements, which in other places have been in frequent hostility, but which in America have been admirably incorporated and combined with one another.  I allude to the spirit of Religion and the spirit of Liberty."

Reflecting on where we are as a nation today, it is sad to observe that over time we seem to have degenerated from a state which de Tocqueville admired to one where religion and liberty seem to be in open conflict - or rather, both simultaneously oppressed to some degree or another, but under the cloak of civil freedom.  It is truly a contradiction of the greatest proportions to promote policies which proclaim strengthened civil liberties and which at the same time hinder religious followers and institutions from following the dictates of their conscience.
Let me be clear: I am not proposing to establish a state religion wherein theology is forced down the throats of our citizens.  I believe in the freedom of expression.  I believe in the freedom of choice, even if that choice is contrary to my own.  But I also believe that the values most religions teach are positive, and that those values help build stronger individuals, stronger families, and thus a stronger society.
We would be wise to remember de Tocqueville's note that "the observance of the divine laws leads man to civil freedom."  A couple of days ago I would have wondered how that is, but I recently heard an insightful explanation on the subject that I'll share here.  There is a notion put forth by some that religions suppress people by requiring strict obedience to certain standards.  However, at the core of many religious tenets are the notions of service, compassion, respect, love, selflessness, and treating others as you would like to be treated.  If all people were to be of such high character, would we not be a freer people?  Would we not be more willing and able to trust one another, and rely upon one another?  Gone would be the days when we must lock up all of our property for fear of theft.  Gone would be the days when we suspect all strangers (and some "friends" as well) of deceit and ill motives.  Gone would be the days when we are forced to rely upon government to enforce standards of high moral conduct.  Instead, we would experience a type of freedom that today we can currently only dream of.

Re-Post (2/10/12): How I Finally Taught The Big Guy A Lesson

Many years ago I heard a story that left a deep impression on me.  I'm sure the story isn't true, and yet it speaks more truth than some real life stories.  Read carefully, and hopefully you'll pick up on what I mean (by the way, it's pretty straight forward - in fact, the moral of the story is written at the end, so it's pretty hard to miss).

How I Finally Taught The Big Guy A Lesson

By Carol Tuttle

 "I did not provoke the fight so I feel no remorse for what I was forced to do.  We were arguing, and seeing that I was right and he was wrong, he decided to fight to cover for his stupidity.

"He swung at me first, but being in the top of condition, I was able to act quickly and block the punch neatly with my head.

"Whereupon I jumped to the ground knocking him down on top of me.  Then I placed my ear in his mouth and poked his finger several times with my eye.

"His teeth hurt so much from the strength of my ear that he became irate and tried to kick me, but I cleverly blocked the onslaught with my ribs and face.  I scrambled to my feet and ran to my car in hopes I would get away and save this man from my deadly hands.  Before I could start the car he pulled me from the still open door.  I then proceeded to swing at him, but only managed to hit myself in the head.  To this I said:  “What’s this?  Two against one?”  That was the final straw – I lost all control.  There will be no mercy!

"Taking him in my death grip, I pounded him in the knee with my stomach – then hit him two or three times hard in the fist with my teeth!  He had had it!  I could tell.  After that he didn’t even try to pick my up off the ground.  He was too chicken!!"

Perspective is Everything!!

I fell in love with this story the moment I heard it.  The beauty of it is that it can apply to almost any experience in life.  The point is not to take a distorted view on reality.  Instead, I would suggest that the point is to look at every experience from the best angle possible - and I would then add to learn from that experience so you are better prepared the next time life hits you.

There will always be moments that stress us out, that push us to our limits, or that seem to weigh us down.  But in our dark hours, what are we going to do about it?  Mope and cry "woe is me" until things get better?  You might be waiting a while.  And how does that help anyway?  Let me answer that question for you, because I've been there myself: it doesn't help at all.

On the other hand, every experience of your life can contribute to your success and ultimate happiness if you look at it from the right angle. I once heard a young lady explain that a mentor of hers had told her to live her life with no regrets.  Sounds like wishful thinking - until you know what she means.  By "no regrets", she didn't mean "no mistakes".  She meant that every time she made a bad choice, a poor decision, or some sort of mistake, she would learn from it and work to never repeat that same mistake again.  Thus she could turn a bad experience into something positive by making it a learning experience.  I think she would tell you that this simple lesson helped her to see life differently.  Her perspective had changed.

So the question is, what will your perspective be the next time things don't go your way?

Re-Post (2/2/12): If You Were Thinking You Wouldn't Have Thought That

One of the best lines from the Sandlot movie comes from none other than Michael "Squints" Palledorous.  As "Smalls" attempts to explain why he thought it would be ok to steal his baseball back from the man-eating dog, Squints utters those famous words: "If you were thinking, you wouldn't have thought that." Sounded funny in the movie, but all too often I feel like those words should be used on people in real life.  Just imagine the difference if someone had used that line in the following scenarios:

Someone at Jelly Belly:  "I think we should make a jelly bean that tastes like popcorn."  If you were thinking, you wouldn't have thought that. (see Kids Are Smarter Than Product Managers in my prior blog)


Folks in Bountiful:  "I think we should speed down a hill in the snow and see if we can make it one piece."  If you were thinking, you wouldn't have thought that. (see Bumper Cars by Tyson Bills)

Someone at McDonalds:  "I think we should use the #McDStories hashtag to build some positive mojo on Twitter."  If you were thinking, you wouldn't have thought that.  (see #McFail - Hashtag to Bashtag by Mike Penrod)

And these are just top-of-mind examples.  The possibilities are endless: Hitler attempting to take over the world; Chevy selling a car named Nova in a place where Nova means "no go"; Bill Clinton lying under oath - and the list goes on.  Next time, think it through folks.

Re-Post (1/29/12): Don't Set Hair On Fire

This morning I listened to a speaker share a story of an incident that occurred when he and his brother found a cigarette lighter when they were young boys.  He noticed a long strand of hair on a nearby girl and decided he would light it on fire, watch it burn a little, and then snuff it out.  He remarked that the girl must have put on a whole lot of hairspray that day because as soon as he lit the one hair on fire, the entire back of her hair lit up in flames.  The little boy stood frozen in shock at what happened, while his brother quickly pounded the girl's head in an effort to put out the fire.
This speaker related that childhood experience to how we sometimes knowingly make poor moral choices in life, thinking that we can somehow control the situation and snuff it out at any time of our choosing.  But more often what happens is that the situation gets out of control and blows up in our faces.  He then urged the audience to be wary of playing with "fire".
I wonder how often this type of thinking is what goes through the minds of business people - or any people for that matter - when facing ethical dilemmas.  Perhaps they think the choice is a small thing, that they can keep the situation under control, able to put an stop to it at any moment, and in the end no one will be hurt.  But as history often shows us, before you know it, the flames flare up and the situation has taken a terrible turn for the worse.
Moral of the story:  Be wary of lighting someone's hair on fire (metaphorically speaking, of course - literally speaking, as well).

Re-Post (1/20/12): There Is ALWAYS A Bright Side Of Things

Recently, my family and I went through a very trying period that we found difficult to deal with.  It wasn't unique.  We're certainly not the only ones who have experienced what we went through.  And yet it was difficult for us to handle.  I can easily see how such experiences can cause people to become bitter, depressed, or even angry.  But that's not what happened.  As my wife and I dealt with the situation together, we found many things to be grateful for even in the midst of the trial, and we thanked God for having blessed us so fully.  Instead of anger, we felt peace.  Instead of bitterness, we felt gratitude.  We still experienced sorrow, but it was the kind of sorrow that has helped us to rely more on our loving Father in heaven, and has brought us closer together as a couple and as a family.
Reflecting on this experience, I was reminded of a lesson I learned many years ago from a man I admired who had lived a very full life.  He gave an admonishment that I'm sure we've all heard before: "Always look on the bright side of things."  But then he followed that with something I had not heard before: "There is always a bright side of things."
It's hard sometimes to see what the bright side of things might be, but I can attest to the peace and strength that come to those who learn to see beyond the obvious, and discover the blessings and wisdom that life's experiences afford us all.  Focus on the bright side of things, and you may be surprised by how that can turn even the most negative experiences into something positive.

Re-Post (1/7/12): Kids Are Smarter Than Product Managers

So the first thing my daughter said to me when she woke up this morning was "Daddy, can I have some jelly beans - but not the popcorn ones.  Those are yucky!"  Forget the fact that she barely even said hello, or that she's asking for candy before breakfast.  How is it that a four year old can tell that the popcorn flavored Jelly Belly's aren't worth the space they take in the container after just one taste, and yet the makers of Jelly Belly can't?  It only took once before she dubbed them "yucky".  Maybe the creator's of that flavor should try eating their product before putting it out to market.  Or maybe it was an intentional prank on the masses - make the popcorn flavor look like the coconut flavor and see what happens when someone pops one in their mouth - not very nice.

Be Grateful For A Rotten Banana

A few years ago I was visiting a friend who had recently returned to the U.S. after living in Bolivia for two years.  I grabbed a banana from his kitchen, and realized after I peeled it open that it was a bit over ripe.  By "a bit over ripe" I mean there were large brown sections.  That's usually when I say "no, thanks" and chuck it in the garbage (let's ignore the fact that I didn't notice the banana was going soft and had brown spots on the outside to begin with).  So I was about to toss the banana in the garbage when my friend stopped me and chastised me for throwing away "good" food (and I assume that by "good" food he meant "edible without throwing up") when there are people starving in other countries.  I got his point, but still wouldn't eat it, so he grabbed the banana and stuffed it in his mouth so it wouldn't go to waste.
But this got me thinking about how much I take for granted.  Running water (that won't get you sick), fresh produce (depending where you shop), carpeted floors, homes made out of more than sheet metal, meat as a regular part of my diet - these are norms here in the U.S., but people who are from developing countries or those who have at least visited such places know better.  We have it good, and we need to remember to be grateful, even for things like rotten bananas.  Other people aren't so lucky.